Losing "Friend Points" for myself

I just came back from the Midwest (barely ahead of the snow, which slowed me down a tad in Indy). Visited my two good friends who always make me feel welcome. It had been two years and I missed them.

These are such cool folks, really unique, self-determining, independent, colorful, and genuine. I met the wife through some online writing groups and have probably been to visit them about a half-dozen times since. They are very busy, even with the husband being retired -- they have a farm and the wife works full-time. Visiting them always gives me a lift, because their home is such a reflection of their personalities. First of all, there are books EVERYWHERE. Plenty of knick-knacks and art on the walls. Always something to look at, think about, talk about.

Being married to Carl for nearly 12 years has turned me into more of a neat/clean freak than I ever imagined possible. I take sparkling toilets, empty kitchen sinks, sorted laundry and invisible dust for granted. I've also become fairly intolerant of clutter, letting it build to a point and then clearing it all out. I sometimes look at my house, especially after I return from a visit with them, and decide that we're really boring people. Our house just doesn't scream out much about our personalities or lifestyle. It's just a house. It doesn't reflect our combined 102 years of life on the planet. You can probably discern something or other if you look long and hard enough, but I'm sure there's nothing memorable about it.

My visits with my friends have brought out these rather conflicting sides of me. I love all their "stuff," but have a problem with the sheer volume of it and the underlying environmental conditions. The place truly is not clean. He smokes inside, which Carl does not, regardless of the weather (bless him!!). Ashtrays are in every room of the house, filled to overflowing. The outside gets tracked in all day long, and there's an unemptied litter box in the bathroom.

Worst of all, things just get piled everywhere. My friend is something of a "mother hen" to some of her other friends, who have fluctuating financial situations. Some of them end up staying over there long-term. Consequently, their belongings stay there, too. My friend complained this weekend that her house has become a dumping ground for things that people bring over and leave -- her way of dealing with it is making it freely available for any other visitor to use (things like Judy's special green tea or Joyce's handmade pillows, etc.).

I really sympathize, except that I am convinced that the "orphan belongings" represent merely a fraction of all the other things that belong to them and never get thrown out, filed or sorted.

I've visited there every year since they moved in. First time, they were in a double-wide while the house was being built, so this is a brand-new house. In the course of five years, the mountains of stuff have just gotten bigger. I'm convinced that if you did an archeological dig on their kitchen table, you'd find old magazines from 2003, and maybe before. The place was "pleasantly eclectic" the first couple of years. Now it's depressingly chaotic.

There are no uncluttered spaces, no unobstructed lines, in the entire house. Nothing gets thrown out, just moved to the side to make room for something new. It's getting so I can't deal with it, even sojourning for 2 or 3 nights.

Someone reading this might think "Well, if it bothers you so much, why don't you offer to help them clean it?"

I have.

On my second visit after they moved into the house, my friend was under the weather, fretting about the new carpet being dirty, etc. I was more than happy to get out the vacuum and go over every inch of carpet they had. I also dusted, dumped the litter box and cleaned the toilet. There wasn't much clutter, so I stacked things a bit more neatly, folded some laundry and swept. I felt good about it and my friend was appreciative. I did the same, to a lesser extent, on the next couple of visits.

But this time? No. I see no point. I worry that my friends are turning into Mr. & Mrs. Collier, and that one day, the mountain of stuff is just going to cave in. The cat climbs up on the kitchen table and lies on top of it all until they yell at him to get down. One day the cat will take a false step...

I feel guilty writing this because a large part of me firmly believes that your behavior towards others is way more important than how nice you keep your house. But it just seems a damn shame on so many other levels -- mental health, physical health, even fiscal health. But these aren't the clueless, incompetent losers you often see on "cure the clutter" shows like Clean Sweep -- which used to inspire me on my previous visits. They are genuinely busy, simply not able to keep up. But I sense an air of resignation now, like "This is how we are, and everyone else will have to accept it."

I know I'll be invited back and am beginning to wonder whether or not to accept... Click Here to Read More..

A handful of random one-liners

Just not organized enough to stick to one topic today, so here's where I dump the lint-catcher that resides between my ears...

Didn't want to to go church today, but glad I did.
A lot of people there have suffered losses in just the last week or so.
The choir has some good new people in it.
I waited too long to see the doctor about my foot, but we're working on getting it taken care of now.
Life could be better.
Why does the mutt next door always stop making noise as soon as I put on music to drown it out?
If Wally loses much more weight, he will disappear.
Seriously thinking about changing the theme for this blog, but worried I'll make a hash of it.
The days go by too damn fast.
Talked to my bff last night; it was good to catch up.
She hates weddings as much as I do.
I'd rather go to a funeral than a wedding.
At least with a funeral you can leave early and people assume you're grief-stricken and not just bored silly.
Funerals are way cheaper, too -- no gifts expected.
I'm feeling glimmers of optimism for this presidential election.
I just hope no one I'm pulling for does anything monumentally stupid to screw it up before Nov. 4.
Interesting how the tide seems to have shifted just recently.
Took long enough.
Michael Clayton was such a boring, pointless movie, I sent it back to Netflix after sticking with it for 30 minutes.
I like listening to Chris Isaak and have no idea why.
Coffee's ready; be right back.
Coffee pot needs cleaning.
Bookcases need reorganizing.
We surely do need rain.
The kitchen counter is a mess.
We really need a new refrigerator.
Facebook is addictive.
The husband of a friend of mine has been diagnosed with squamous-cell carcinoma.
Christmas will be here before we know it.
Anticipation of a bad outcome often keeps me from taking decisive action.
There sure are a lot of people in the news media who get paid beaucoups bucks and still haven't a clue about spelling, grammar or usage.
Ahh -- Warren Zevon.
Die Hard is still a great movie.
The first one.
Samsung makes better cell phones than Nokia.
I need to call Pete and wish him a happy 61st.
Slim Fast is a better idea than a milkshake from Arby's today.
They're closing Coney Island's Astroland.
Putting up more yuppie condos, no doubt.
I just hate what they're doing to New York City.
I'm so, so glad that Thomas Kinkeade is out of Carl's price range.
It's amazing how things can change in ten years.
Another hopeful sign: Michael Dowd
I don't even want to think about a fall wardrobe.
Comedians annoy me when they toss out what made them famous in the first place and go out of their way to create a "serious" public image.
Chicken parmigiana sounds like a good plan for dinner tonight.
I haven't owned a swimsuit since 2005.
Being an only child isn't such a terrible thing.
With an older sibling I'd have been an insufferable brat.
With a younger sibling I'd have been an overbearing bully.
The guy next door finally emptied out the crap from the bed of his old pickup.
There was someone sleeping in there yesterday.
Why do all ice cream trucks use the same music?
And what does "Turkey in the Straw" have to do with ice cream?
If I had my way, all existing recordings from Evanescence would be destroyed, and the lead singer would be sentenced to sing nothing but polkas for the rest of her life.
Three vacation days left.
One is scheduled already.
Sitting here doing this is not the best use of my time. Click Here to Read More..

Well, this pretty much says it all.

52 As a 1930s wife, I am Average Take the test!

A'right, it's a slow day.

There were 100 questions on this quiz, and many of them served to point up the slightly unconventional character of my marriage to Carl.

I drive, he doesn't.
I pay most of the bills (at least the big ones).
I manage the overall finances (probably not very well).
Carl does the housework.
Carl does most of the cooking.

So, yeah I flunked questions about having dinner ready on time and keeping the house neat. But I passed the ones having to do with being friendly, considerate, affectionate, etc. because I love the guy. I was just born without the June Cleaver gene. Click Here to Read More..