Yesterday was gratifying in more than one way

I've bitched, here and elsewhere, about the ups and downs of participating in my neighborhood association. I decided as far back as April or May that I am not doing this again next year. Specifically, no elected posts. No way, no how.

I let them vote me in this year because last year they sent me on an all-expenses paid trip out of town, put me up in a nice hotel and just generally let me have fun and get to know my neighbors better. Before I even got on the bus, I figured, okay, they've been hinting that I should let myself get nominated for something, so what the hell, it's only for a year, etc. All of that came to pass. But the follow-up thought, this is going to be a pain in the ass, was not long in coming.

There are significant underlying problems with the whole infrastructure of this thing.

First, we're under the guidance of a non-profit foundation. And that is wonderful, to be sure, but there's a vast difference between the people who run the foundation (mostly upper middle class and college-educated) and those who will be running it once the partnership agreement (and the funding) move on. The NPF folks can lecture and preach to us until their heads fall off about how WE have to take the reins and assume responsibility ... but what we've got is:

People who have received an inadequate education and understand very little about nearly anything...in our little 36-block slice of the city, I'd conservatively estimate that 65 percent of the residents would fit that description. A subset would be those who have dealt chronically with drug abuse and time spent behind bars.

People who have spent their lives feeling powerless and downtrodden and can't be moved out of that mindset for love or money...50 percent.

People who have already lived their lives, raised kids, grandkids and sometimes great-grandkids and would be DYNAMOS if they were only, oh, 40 years younger, but they're not...again, 65 percent.

People who have a slightly broader worldview about what needs to be done, but they also have demanding full-time jobs and other real-life commitments that sap their time and energy, leaving little for this endeavor...25% This figure will be slightly higher in some of the other neighboring communities.

I have deep affection for the old folks. They are always the first on the scene, the ones who never forget a meeting, and often the ones who ask the provocative questions at meetings. The priceless gems among that group are the ones who have GAINED energy and insight from all their life trials, rather than letting themselves get beaten down by them.

We've also got a precious crop of kids in our midst -- the aforementioned grandchildren, mostly. I love their smiley little faces. Some of them are older and have already put on that mask of indifference, but we keep trying to keep them interested and involved. I think this has worked better than we had hoped. Last year at the leadership retreat, we did a role-play, in which the adults had to pretend they were addressing a roomful of teens about getting them to put on a Christmas party. One of our ladies said (and I am not making this up):

Okay, you youth. Pull up those pants! Now, listen here. We want you to plan a Christmas party. You give us some ideas, tell us what you want, and then we will decide what you can and cannot do....

It was hilarious to watch, but a little scary, because the lady who said this was completely serious. I've seen her in action; she will do that. Just walk up to you with a smile and say "All right now, we want you to do this, that and the other..." giving you very little say in the matter. The NPF folks saw this right away and worked on explaining why that approach is doomed to failure. We've had several youth events this year and they seem to be gaining momentum.

So that's good, but even among those of us grownups who could be considered "willing and able" to lead this, there are vast differences that make it difficult to inspire confidence. Mainly, it's the "I-don't-know-what-we-should-do-let's-ask-somebody-else-and-see-what-they-say" position. Every last one of us is guilty of that. The reason we do that is, we don't want to step on anyone's toes. I'm one of the worst offenders, but I feel justified because I moved here only 2 years ago and everyone else has been here for a minimum of 2 decades. In many cases, it's more like 7. I also feel justified because I'm really, truly, not a leader. I have serious mental difficulty making broad decisions about anything and I absolutely SUCK at asking anybody for anything. If a project requires 100 tasks, I would sooner do every last one of them myself than ask one person to help with one task. And since that's impossible for me, I'd rather someone else be in charge, and then get assigned to one minute, specific task, preferably far behind the scenes.

All of the above feeds into the goings-on that led up to yesterday's fall festival. It was combined with a gospel showcase (lots of churches in our area, and other local neighborhoods have jazz and blues concerts, so we did our thing) and a voter-registration drive.

On paper, perhaps, the festival wasn't that big a success. We had solicited all these little local churches to send their choirs to this event, and as far as I'm aware, none of them did. Instead, we got small groups and individuals. So what we envisioned at the beginning did not come to pass. Clearly, we got started too late with that aspect.

But -- a casual observer, who didn't witness the planning and preparations, would have declared the festival a great success. Why? We had music, food, good weather, lots of little kids running and playing and getting their faces painted, and 5 generations of neighbors socializing and hearing (for the umpteenth time) about our association and how we need people to get involved, come to meetings, etc. etc.

And, hence the title of this post, our leader from the NPF called me last night and told me this. IT WENT OFF WELL. There were no disasters. We had a cotton-candy machine that quit long before we wanted it to, and forgot to give out some t-shirts, but everything was in place and there were no complaints.

It was gratifying to me personally because the NPF lady had started my day off on a negative note by scolding me about some things that she thought hadn't gotten done, due to what she perceived as my lack of follow-through. As it turned out, all of those tasks had been done. There was really nothing for her to complain about. Subtext here: We're not as dumb as we look. When I called her back mid-day to inform her that her fears were unfounded, I believe she got the message that the way to motivate people is NOT to criticize them for things you think they haven't done.

It was gratifying to me, also, because it showed that my instincts were better than hers. I wasn't expecting doom or gloom and turned out to be right.

So we all lived happily ever after. And I'm STILL not serving on any permanent committees next year. Click Here to Read More..

Wants, Needs, To-Do's, Etc.

Well, here's another busy Saturday. Had the alarm set for 7, but was awake long before that. Loud thunder, loud rain (meaning there will be a lake between the front step and the car, so I'll need my trusty rain boots), cat coughing up a hairball, Carl going in and out waiting for his cab, and finally some unknown person calling at about 6am but not leaving a message. Add into the mix the normal stuff like needing to go to the bathroom, etc and there was no point waiting for 7 to come around.

So much to do today! Have to get down to the bank and close out Wally's account. Or should I say, our account -- I set it up for him, but he was under 18 so my name went on it about 2 years ago. He's been overdrawn more times than I can count. I've replaced the "divots" a couple of times, most recently this last week. I have to appear in person to close out the account and I warned him over the phone that I might be calling him "early" to get information from him if the bank requires it. Ironic: At age 18 I had a joint account with my dad because I was a minor when it was set up. He and my mom went in and took most of the money I'd saved up because they weren't able to make their mortgage payment. They just went in and took it; never gave it back, and my mom, when she got drunk and abusive, would sometimes say "You'll never get it back because you don't deserve it." Then Doug stole money from me during our marriage, and now my son is costing me money because of a joint account. I'll say one thing, Carl doesn't steal money from me. I don't have a joint account with him, because he's always let me handle the financial reins. It's too much for him to deal with. When he got his bank account, I was insistent that he NOT set it up jointly with me. I am a staunch believer in separate bank accounts for married couples. Call me a cynic, but you just can't trust anyone any more.

Have to recycle and do a spot of shopping. Play rehearsal at 4, followed by a church reception at 6 -- it's pledgy-pledgy time and I'm going to have to tell someone that my pledge for the upcoming year will be a bit over half what it was this time around. But last year Wally was living at home with no car or insurance or rent expenses. No ridiculous cell-phone excesses either. I want a pledge I can fulfill without having to drain my IRA again.

Have to also do the minutes from last Saturday (if I want an excuse, I can always say that I never got the ATTENDANCE SHEET back -- hello??? Charlotte? Irene???!), but that's a very flimsy excuse. I will get it done today.

Need to send back the bra I ordered. Do I want a larger size or something different altogether? Or maybe just the money back?

We need a refrigerator! The old, dinky one that came with this house leaks like crazy. It's awful. We can't use the vegetable bin at all; it just fills up with water.

We have to do something about our yard -- it's full of ruts where water accumulates. I almost killed myself walking across it the other day to give Paul a pint of strawberries. I wonder if it would make sense to install a deck of sorts -- like a raised walkway, even just lay down a couple of pallets -- to cover that spot where the water pools so we wouldn't have to get soaked going from the door to the car, at least until we can afford a more long-term solution such as grading the land so the water won't run this way every time.

Have to get the taxes going -- just get the forms filled in, but I want to wait to file until I've had a chance to confer with Wally when I see him about his FAFS.

I'm relieved that he'll be attending college not far from where his uncle and grandmother are. I think, though, that his college is about equidistant from here to where he is now ... just in a totally different direction.

A few days ago I was mulling over some of Carl's characteristics and came to the conclusion that some of his astrological configurations are different from what I'd been assuming all this time. Specifically, I think his rising sign is Taurus, rather than Cancer. When I put everything together that I know about him, this makes more sense. It works better in terms of the compatibility between the two of us, as well.
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