Villains

Today, in an idle moment (at work, naturally), I pondered the question of exactly how many people in my life I could legitimately call "the bad guys." People who had a profoundly negative impact on me ... where if it were possible to go back in time, knowing what I know now, I would be sure never to get involved with them again.

My list came out to just over two dozen, which was far less than I'd expected to get when I started. I subdivided it by decades, and what I got was:

Five people during my first ten years (three of whom were teachers);
Five people during middle school, high school and college;
Only two during my 20s and early married life (and no, my ex wasn't in that group);
Nine during my 30s and the years immediately following the divorce (and yes, Doug did make that roster);
Six in the last 10 years.

Making a list like this gives way to the inevitable self-analysis. What made me befriend that person in the first place? What was the attraction? And then what was the fundamental change that later on made me reach for the ejector switch?

The volition factor is there in just under 50% of those on the list. The rest are teachers, bosses and a couple of identity thieves. I had two such incidents about five years apart. In the first case, I'm reasonably sure who the person was, and I naively left myself open to the theft. But in the second case, it came out of nowhere.

It's been an interesting exercise, and the lesson, of course, is to be aware of who comes and goes in your life, and why. Click Here to Read More..

From The New York Times on Wednesday:

Happy people spend a lot of time socializing, going to church and reading newspapers — but they don’t spend a lot of time watching television, a new study finds.

That’s what unhappy people do.

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I can't dispute this one, in terms of personal and observed experience.

Though, it's hard to say if "gluing oneself to a computer and reading online versions of the news" really qualifies as "reading the newspaper."

But assuming it does ... my household aligns with this. Carl will sit in front of the TV all day whenever he can. I drop in to watch "Two and a Half Men" and then it's back to my preferred set of activities. I can only take the tube for a couple of hours tops, even without the usual distractions. Does blogging count as "socializing?" I think most people would say it does. Maybe not the same as attending a party or playing bridge, but there is give and take, varying according to the blogger's preferences and topics.

Too much time on the living room sofa is like being stuck in a high school locker room where there are lots of smelly socks.

Carl gets ALL his news from TV. He's not miserable, but he's certainly depressed and disinclined toward socializing.

Now, what would we have said in the pre-TV days? What did the unhappy people do back then?

Is there a correlation between TV-induced idleness and depression? How about the similar timelines between TV and other conveniences such as automatic washers and interstate highways that led to the development of supermarkets?

It's all connected, folks.

Click Here to Read More..

The No-Mooch Zone

Took the evening off from church meetings because I would have felt awkward. There were 2 meetings scheduled back to back, starting immediately after work. This has been a problem for me, since it leaves little or no time for any kind of dinner. However, recently people have been bringing food. One person works in a hospitality capacity so he usually brings something good. Another person often brings decent wine.

I started worrying about this as soon as people started talking about it. I know what my finances are, and they didn't allow for much culinary creativity. Me, I can subsist on Spam with no difficulty, but this ain't a Spam crowd. I didn't even think I'd have time to stop somewhere ... all in all, I just felt completely unequipped to join in with the food-bringing and it just bothered the hell out of me to think I'd be taking advantage of someone else's hospitality without contributing.

So this morning I just decided to absent myself from the proceedings altogether. I don't think I've missed a single monthly meeting since last July, and I don't play any vital role. I just enjoy the people and the chance to see the inner workings of things.

I'd be getting home just about now, normally, and I could certainly use the extra sleep. So all in all, no regrets. There's always next month. Click Here to Read More..